Rebuilding Logan
by kdawgb
Summary: Logan can't escape himself. AU Established Kogan.


**AN: Sooooo, this is my first story to post on here. This was actually written for my Creative Writing class last year, and I decided to make it into a Kogan story. Please review and tell me what you think. :)**

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_"No, let me drive," he said in a clear, stern voice as he glared at him._

_ "Nah, I-I got it," he replied._

He snapped back into reality and involuntarily ran his slender fingers through his raven hair. The teacher, Mr. Claxton, was explaining how to solve logarithms in his third period Algebra II class. He zoned out and continuously drew dark circles on his notes until the bell rang, bringing him back to reality once again. Grabbing his books and backpack hastily, he walked out of the classroom and into the crowded hallway of his high school, arms swinging by his side. His world was spinning in slow motion, and it seemed like everyone else was moving in fast forward. His chocolate-colored eyes began scanning the blurring faces of the teenagers and teachers that surrounded him, searching. He wasn't searching for just anyone; he was searching for _him. _Losing himself, he began to panic. He'd had all he could take. His lungs inhaled and exhaled in short, ragged breaths.

He quickly ran into the bathroom into one of the stalls and vomited his breakfast into the toilet bowl. His sweaty hands grasped at the walls of the bathroom stall, but kept sliding off. He took a long, deep breath, then wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet, and exited the stall and leaned over the sink. He twisted the cold water knob to the left, and water began pouring out of the faucet. He cupped his hands under the water and splashed it onto his face. Then he looked up and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red-rimmed and glazed with tears, and he could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Hey man, are you okay?" asked a teenage boy.

"Yeah, James, I'm fine," Logan replied slowly, deliberately.

"You sure?" James inquired again. "I saw you run in here pretty fast. Seemed like something was up."

"I'm fine," Logan retorted. "I'm fine."

"Okay, man. Whatever," James said as he turned around to leave. "See ya later."

Logan nodded in response to his friend's remark. He needed to do something. He needed help. His memory was not something he wanted to experience, but it kept playing over and over and over. It was like a movie that would never end. Torturing him. He couldn't escape himself.

All through his day, he could only think of him. His scent, his laughter, the way he smiled at him, everything. Getting into his new car, he rolled down the windows and began to drive home.

_"I told you already, Logan, let me drive!"_

_ "An' I tol' y-you that I got it," Logan stated as he swayed from side to side._

_ "You are in no shape to be driving anywhere. Where are the keys?" Kendall asked as he put his hand out in front of him, waiting to be given the keys.  
_

_ Logan stared at him blankly. "I don't know," he said as a grim smile grew on his face._

_ "You're lying, Logan. I know you are. Now, where are they?"_

_ "Right here."_

Logan wiped his tearful eyes as he pulled into his driveway. He couldn't let his mother see him like this. All she would do was ask questions, and he didn't want, or need that. He needed to be alone.

He walked up the stairs and into his bedroom, shut the door behind him, and fell face down on his bed. He was absolutely exhausted. His memory would not quit haunting him. He needed some sort of outlet. He got up off of his bed, went over to his closet, and began rummaging through the clean and dirty clothes until he had found what he was looking for. A box. A plain red box. But the contents were anything but plain. Inside were photographs, DVDs, CDs, little trinkets, anything you could think of. All of which had one thing in common-they were all memories of him. He flipped through the pictures, and tears welled into his eyes.

_"Logan! Over here!" Kendall yelled from across the park. The sun shined on him as he ran behind a tree. His beauty was captivating, and Logan couldn't deny that._

_ "Where?" Logan questioned innocently as he met up with him. He laced his fingers around Kendall's. His heart fluttered like a hummingbird's wings. There was no other place he'd rather be._

_ "Here," he said as Kendall gave Logan a soft kiss on his soft pink lips. Kendall smiled a dimply smile as he stared deeply into Logan's brown eyes._

He felt his body temperature rise. His lungs were on the verge of hyperventilation. He placed his hand on his chest to try to calm himself. One, two, three deep breaths and he was "fine." He needed to tell someone, anyone, but he was scared. Scared of what they would think of him. Not everyone has these recurring thoughts, and you can't just share them with anyone.

Logan remained in his room for the rest of the evening. When his mom called for dinner, he told her that he wasn't hungry. Time raced by, and soon it was time to go to bed. _Time to go to sleep_ he thought. _Actually sleeping? Yea right._

The next morning, his alarm woke him. He got ready, and headed for school. As he pulled into the parking lot, he finally decided that he would tell someone. His friend James was a pretty attentive person, someone who would just listen. That's just what Logan needed. For someone to just listen to him and what he had to say.

The bell rang, dismissing second period. Logan rushed into the hall to find James, and he found him at his locker.

"Hey James!" Logan called out.

"Hey, man. What's up?" James asked.

"Nothing much," Logan replied. "Hey, can you swing by my house after school? I need to talk to you."

"Uhm, sure. That's cool."

"Thanks," Logan said in a friendly tone.

"No problem. Well, I've got to get to class."

"Alright, see ya after school, James."

"See ya, Logan."

Logan couldn't concentrate the entire day. He had never told any of his friends how Kendall's death had actually affected him. The final bell of the day rang. He knew what he had to do.

The doorbell rang; Logan knew who it was. He took a deep breath before he opened the door.

"Hey James," Logan said.

"Hey Logan."

"Come on in."

They walked through the hallway into the living room and sat down. Logan was sitting on the couch, and James was sitting on the recliner. Logan reached for the remote on the side table and turned the television to ESPN. The sports anchors were talking about NCAA basketball tournament that taking place in Atlanta.

"Umm, so… what did you need to talk about?" James asked awkwardly.

Logan took a deep breath. He knew he had to tell someone. Not talking about it was killing him. He couldn't take it anymore.

"It's about Kendall," Logan said softly.

"Oh," James replied knowingly. "What about him?"

"I can't stop thinking about him. He's on my mind all the time. I can't escape it."

"If I had to guess, you probably feel guilty about what you did."

"I do! I know I shouldn't have driven that night. I absolutely knew I shouldn't, but I did anyways. But why didn't he forcefully stop me? He could have just taken the keys away from me, but he didn't."

"I don't know why. I guess we'll never know. He's gone. We can't do anything about it," James said to his friend.

Silence filled the room. Logan just stared at his friend. The reality of Kendall's absence was now taking a deeper effect on Logan. He thought about what James had said, then took a deep breath.

"Yea, you're right. We can't do anything," Logan answered, defeated, as he exhaled a long breath.

"Yeah, sooo, I guess I'm gonna go now," James said to Logan as he stood and began walking toward the door.

"Thanks for coming, James," Logan thanked.

"No problem."

"See ya at school tomorrow."

"See ya."

Logan sat on the couch and stared at the television, not paying attention to anything specifically. He closed his eyes and could see Kendall behind his lids. Then he opened his eyes, hoping Kendall would be there, but he wasn't. Logan sighed, stood up, and walked upstairs into his room, alone.

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**Sooooo, yea. That's it. I apologize for the corniness of it, for the repeated use of the ambiguous pronoun "he," and for the repetitive sentence structure. But I'm just really critical on myself when it comes to writing.**

**I'm maybe, _possibly_, will continue this into, like, a two-shot. It just depends on what I can come up with.  
**

**Thanks for reading, and please review! :D**


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